1. |
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Good morning, Platformer! A lot has changed while you were asleep. The world is full of adventures for a courageous person like you. First, you'll need to gather your wits, bearings, and broadsword! Why not get to know the village and its people before venturing out?
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2. |
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Life outside the diamond is a wrench. Speaking of wrenches, jump on those planks automatically spinning around the hex-nuts to advance upward. Speaking of automatic spinning, don't touch anything that looks like it might kill you.
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3. |
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It's about that time! The Clock Tower has been showing strange times lately, and it sometimes spins backwards, causing time to reverse! Get to the top and investigate this mystery before time runs out and you're transported back to the bottom. Watch out for the pendulum!
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4. |
All Castle, No Hassle
02:11
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So, the clock was rigged to a machine to warp time by an evil admiral, huh? Trespass up in this guy's castle and maybe punch somebody. I'm taking 5.
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5. |
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What's up man? Long time no see! That's Chinese. Anyway, I thought you could use some help, seeing as how we go way back. I've got a Teleport Machine and some gear if you ever get stuck or need some junk. For starters, take this boogie board and go do some damage in the desert. Later! *bamf*
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6. |
Surfing The Sand Dunes
01:55
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What verdant cacti! Also, who was that rat? Regardless, this level looks like fun. Just be sure not to Sonny Bono yourself on the spikes! ...Euph....Too soon?
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7. |
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A question we all ask ourselves at some point. Only two ways to find out!
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8. |
Toil Against The Sunset
03:00
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An obvious word of advice: AVOID the sandpits.
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9. |
Thyncopation Beach
01:26
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Heyyyyyy alriiiiight. There's gotta be a seashell filled with doubloons around here somewhere. Maybe take a minute to catch a fish for a local. That usually works.
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10. |
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How the hell do you get up there? No seriously. I have no idea.
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11. |
My Favorite Temple
01:08
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Sometimes I just warp there to listen to the music. Eee eee, eeee eeee eeee....
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12. |
...And My Favorite Tower
02:48
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A boomerang which is also a grappling hook! We have reached the height of Platformer civilization.
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13. |
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Well, you've caused quite a ruckus. Accordingly, a LOT of things are going to be looking for you up here. Avoid the sensors, the ninjas that pop out of the walls, and that light-up flying...whatever it is. Did you ever stop to think about what "flux capacitor" actually means? Collect 10 of them for the town folk.
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14. |
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This level is to be looped over and over, until you quit the game and don't come back to it for months. Then you realize, hey, there's a pipe at the top of the screen the whole goddamn time, and I can just throw them all in there and be done with it! Fucking developers.
:Developers. :Developers.
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15. |
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SEE!?
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16. |
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...Could you swing by my aunt's house for a sec? Of course this is germane to the mission. Why else would I ask? Please? I'm allergic to her cats (and her bullshit). Dude, I'm definitely not going over there. Just do it.
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17. |
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Trippy *said in a bubbly voice*.
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18. |
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I mean, we were all thinking it. A Platformer, on ice? Who would be so cruel? Forget it. Hail the taxi. He's got a trebuchet in his trunk that will chuck you into the next world.
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19. |
Cloud Walkers
02:24
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Welcome to the stars, my friend. It's beautiful but treacherous up here--tread lightly. Don't stay on any one cloud too long, and say hi to George Harrison for me.
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20. |
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You've made it through the air lock! Congratulations. Have a look around, and see if you can find any useful equipment/contacts for the journey ahead.
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21. |
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Taking out the main production source of the enemy's time-vulture bots will cripple their defenses--and their offenses! Note that you can use the Crouch button while on the conveyor belts to duck under those goddamn steam plumes.
Heads up: intelligence indicates that a mini-boss is afoot. All we know for sure is that he fires missiles in 16th-note counterpoint.
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22. |
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Before you take on the enemy headquarters, you'll want to stock up on equipment. Consider some new fire power, if you've got the coin.
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23. |
Infiltrate The Mainframe
02:38
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Alright, it's time to get serious. Use the launcher at the end of the tunnel to take out the central processing unit. This will draw out the admiral. But be alert! The automatic defense system is online and will lob rubberized fireballs when you're not looking!
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24. |
BOSSS FIIIGHT
05:21
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IT WORKED. PREPARE FOR A FIIIRE FIIIGHT!!!!
[Make up your own contemplative ending scene!]
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25. |
Back To The Chill Spot
01:36
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Hey friend! It's good to meet you! Thanks for freeing me. My name is Rat, and I have an advanced degree in Bricolage. The admiral kidnapped me from the sewer beneath the clock tower, and he was forcing me to rearrange his articulating parts to warp time into his dogmatic narrative (but that's all that happened, I swear). Man, am I glad YOU showed up. Let's take this spaceship I hotwired and kick it back home. Roll those credits, boys!
You: Platformer
Joshua King: Music
Sobia Paracha: Co-Composition
Brad Schumacher: Miscellaneous Noises
Thanks To:
Reaper and Cuckos
Melody Assistant
Hydrogen
Garage Band (Yeah)
Tremor
Jack Beat
Special Thanks To:
Eric: For planting the idea
Asher: The cultivation
Patrick: For listening
Claude Levi-Strauss: Mytheme Structuralism
J.S. Bach: For Everything
Rat: For being yourself
Nintendo: Fuck SEGA, amirite?
General Pepper: Keep Corneria Real!
Megaman X: for all those hours on the mine cart.
Street Fighter: Bolshoi pobyeda!
Super Metroid: Putting the star in Brinstar ;)
Link: Why else would I buy a real ocarina?
And everyone else who's ever dreamed in cell-shade.
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Entropical Fruit Productions Saint Louis
We are a DIY experimental production label, and sort of a collective. We do online releases and feature demos. Give us a shout if you'd like to be involved or have your work showcased.
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